May 30, 2009

Out of the Blue…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aishah @ 8:43 pm

Usually, I wouldn’t post anything personal. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Even within a family, there are all these back-stabbing going on, the pompous ones, the girly ones and many other stuff. Family just needing to point to someone and then to gossip about them. At the moment now, I do know a couple of gossip going around and though they’re not about me, somehow I am still affected about it. It saddens me that the people you will know throughout your life could act these way.

I earnestly love my family. Even though they will somehow talk about some “stuff” about one another, I can’t help the feeling that I should not be angry at them though the topic in discussion are not about me. Should I be angry, frustrated or ashamed?

We have all heard about blood being thicker than water. And I do think that sometimes it is true to a certain extend. I cannot bear to be angry at anybody in my family. Seriously, what is the use of being at angry with someone, who will always be in your life no matter how much you want to avoid them? I thought that it would be a waste of time. But maybe, I could get angry just a little. There are still more years to come that they’ll most likely do it again.

No matter how much my family would hurt me, I have promised to myself that I will never get irritated, frustrated, ashamed, angry etc… at them. I’ll just treat as part and parcel of life. That’s what my cousin told me. This sounds like I’m being too sensitive. But I think, in a good way sensitive. I’m not trying to be egoistic here, but I guess my family would know what I’m all about.

I just realised that I might be writing a long post. Let me forewarn about this before you go on reading.

Hollywood movies must have brainwashed me. They have given me too many ideas about being a good, conserved family. Unfortunately, I’ve been among these clouds for so long that I have never noticed about whatever else that has been going on around me. Now, I’m worried. Knowing all these “stuff” about your own family.

How I wish that I could tell someone just to let it out of me. But then again, I’ll be worrying about telling the wrong person. What would that person say? What would he be thinking of? How about his reaction?

Man, I’m being way too emo about this. I better stop, before I slip up and some might interpret it which is what I am not trying to convey. *Listening to The Cranberries’ Linger must have made me write and let it all out on this post*

*Just to let you know, when I mean family, not only am I talking about my siblings and parents, but it also includes my relatives. Aunts, uncles, cousins etc, etc…


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