November 15, 2009

Biting off the hand that feeds you.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aishah @ 2:12 am

I’ve long time already decided that I wanted my parents to be close to me. With them being close, I’ll let them know that they can place their trust and faith in me. Not as in close like I’m dependent on them, but close enough for them to know that whatever I’ll be doing would be safe. Its kinda true to get in the good graces of them and with only one slip up, you’ll be made on to the black list once again.

Dad was right. About him giving me an inch, and I’m taking it till a foot. It wasn’t fair to him. What more both my parents are worried since I don’t even have a phone to be contacted too. The phrase ‘I’m very disappointed in you”, are still ringing in my ears. And it hurts. I shouldn’t be complaining because I deserve it. I know they have already given me a chance by allowing the bro to open the door for me and letting me into the house. I was lucky. I was already expecting the worst.

In my mind, I was picturing of my parents being worried at home while I’m out at town with friends not even to bother to make a call to let them know I’ll be home really late. I already had a conscious telling me that I should make my way back soon, and yet i just tuned out my intuition.

For the past few weeks, it was great knowing that dad trusted me and that I had to be careful around him. I was just afraid that I didn’t want to be stuck at the same step 10 years later when I’m not married. I was thinking that maybe they couldn’t bear the idea of me growing up and not needing them anymore. That is what I thought. They still worry about me, but I really want to the next stage that although I return after midnight, I won’t be out doing ludicrous activities.

Here comes the thinking process again, and I’ll have to have a talk with them again and apologise. We’ll need to talk about me growing up and I totally sincerely agree that I’m the idiot here who returned home late and didn’t have the initiative to let my parents know and just let the worry.

I noticed Karma came around fast, as the hangover I had today came instantaneously when my instincts told me that I should go back home. And I ignored them. Hah. Serve me right. With my phone missing, spilled drink, ‘hangover’ and burning so much money this week, I’m the worst person I know of so far.

Its late and my parents had a lot to worried. They’re still pissed and I pray that talking to them tomorrow would help. For them to understand me, I’ll have to understand them first since I’m still under their care.

To Mummy and Daddy, I love you. I’m an a**hole for not letting you guys know I was out late. I was insensitive towards you guys as you remained worried about me. What’s worse is that I gave you guys the chance to doubt you trust and faith in me again. Many times I’ve asked for the better and now it’s going to be difficult to be in your good graces again. I’m very sorry. Especially Daddy, I’m sorry for being a disappointment and I deserve the punishment.  Though it hurts, it is fair.What more I still believe that you think I’m still your girl, who’s innocent. I’m growing up. I’ll be making changes and so will you.


November 7, 2009

That’s what friends are for

Filed under: Uncategorized — Aishah @ 10:00 am

Backstage my hearts beats faster than ever. Faster than the day knowing that my mom will be coming to see me.  I am soo much more nervous than the day before. Meanwhile….

And here they come…

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

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